A Few Wedding Pictures

For anyone who doesn't have facebook, you can view several pictures from my photographer using the link bellow:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=187179&l=31469&id=677170103

I can't wait til the rest of them come in!

The Wedding, the Honeymoon, and Life as a Wife

I'm happy to report that my wedding was everything I'd hoped and dreamed it would be. The weather was perfect, my musicians followed through beautifully, I managed to keep it a secret that I would sing a song to Cole and that I had enlaid his wedding band with stones from my purity ring, we both said I do and lots of people cried. Cole surprised me with a horse and carriage to take us from the church to the reception, the cake was delicious and no one fell off of the bluff. There are a hundred other things that went beautifully, and very few that didn't. The best part is that I was not nervous at all! The day before the wedding I was, very much. Even at the bridesmaid breakfast on the morning of the wedding I was on pins and needles. I don't know what happened after that, though, because I was incredibly chill for the rest of the day, which was amazing.
I'm very glad that I will have photographs and a video, because even though I thoroughly enjoyed the wedding day, so much happened! I feel like it all went by so quickly.
The honeymoon in the Rocky Mountains was amazing! I had always wanted to visit there and I definitely wasn't disapointed. The weather was wonderfuly snowy and sunny, the mountains were beautiful and the people were - without exception - incredibly nice.
Now it's back to real life, and call me a newly wed with her head in the clouds, but I'm enjoying it. I told a friend of mine on the way back from my honeymoon "I guess it's back to reality!" and she replied "Yeah, but reality is so much better now because you have each other." I have found this to be true. I love being married and responsible for my own home. It's a lot of responsibility, but it is also brings me much joy.
As I read over this post it's a bit unlike my other posts. It's a bit thrown together and random. I almost deleated the entire thing and started fresh, but no. It'd take me ten years to write a detailed post of everything that has happened in the past couple of weeks. I may go back and write details on things, but here is an overview of my life so far :-)

The Beginning

In four days my life will change. I don't know exactly what that means yet, but I'm excited to find out. I have moments of nervousness and fear, but for the most part I'm just thrilled to be on the verge of the beginning of the rest of my life.
The wedding won't be perfect, I know, but I really think it will be beautiful. There is still only a 10% chance of rain and the tempature should be absolutely wonderful! I have full confidence in my wedding coordinator, musicians, and friends and family who have offered to pull together to get everything ready. I still have several things on my "To Do" list, but nothing I can't manage.
A friend told me when I set this blog up several years ago "Once you get married, what are you going to do about the name of your blog? Change it to Matron-No-Longer-In-Waiting?" :-)
I still haven't decided about that. If you read one of the first posts I ever write, it could make sense to keep the current name, but I don't know. Hmm.
Okay, that was a bunny trail. Back to the subject. I'm excited! And even if nothing goes how its supposed to, I'm going home as the wife of the man I love. To me, that's perfect.

6 Things About Me

I was tagged by Ashley

1 I like food. A lot. Pretty much any kind of food, as long as it's not raw or Ecuadorian, I'll eat it and take get a good amount of enjoyment out of it.

2 I want to live in a big city again!! I love Natchez, don't get me wrong, but I really miss living in a larger city. I think the food is the main thing I miss, actually. And Starbucks...

3 I play 4 instruments and sing. I wish I would have practiced more growing up!! I should be 15 x better on all of my instruments than I currently am, and it is extrodinarily distressing. When I lived in New Orleans, I had some of the finest teachers in this part of the country teaching me, and I totally took it for granted (kicking self repeatedly)

4 I want to travel - and possibly live - all over the world. The world is so big and amazing, I can't imagine spending my entire life in just one part of it!

5 I'm getting married in 24 days! That's crazy. I can't believe it's so soon! I'm very excited to start my new life with Cole and see what God will do with us :-)

6 I don't consider myself to be afraid of anything. But if I were honest, I'd say I'm insanely afraid of roaches. It's not a rational fear, but I think they are the most disgusting, ugly, hidious creatures on the planet and I scream and run and pitch a fit if I see one across the room. All I have to do is gasp and Cole starts saying "Where? Where is it?" It's rediculous that I could let an Ecuadorian spider run across my bed (while I was laying on it, might I add) and not even care, but when a roach is 50 feet away, I have a cow.

So there. I tag Merisha. But she won't do it, she hasn't blogged in like 6 months.

Trust

Life has been very busy over the past several weeks. The closer I get to the wedding, the more details I have to work out, but everything is going very smoothly. I can't believe how quickly time goes by. When I got engaged on Valentine's Day, November 8th sounded like an eternity away, but now I have about a month and a half left. Forty five days from one of the most life altering days of my life. I don't know when it will all sink in that this is really happening.
One thing that never ceases to amaze me is how perfectly God provides our needs in His timing. From the apartment, to Cole's new job, to my raise, to all of the details coming to place for the wedding, I'm so grateful for the blessings I've been given recently. God's timing would have still be perfect if things weren't going how I thought they should go, of course, but I'm thankful that over the past several years He has taught me a lesson that will last me a lifetime: Trust. I don't worry about my life. He has proven time and time and time again that He will be faithful. Not that it will always be easy - far from it. But He will be there guiding and sustaining me through whatever He has for me to experience. That is a lesson I'd walk through the fire 1,000 times again to learn.

Prayer

Why don't Christian's pray more? If we really believed in prayer like we say we do, and were confident in it's power, I think we would. But somewhere along the way, most Christian's loose sense of the incredible nature of prayer. If you think about it, it's really one of the most incredible things we will ever do. To be able to approach the Creator of the Universe, the One who holds all of life in His hand is really a sobering thought. Nowadays, when someone says "I'll pray for you" it means little more than "good luck!" I'm quite guilty of this myself. I always have the best of intentions of praying for that person, and probably do at least once, but somehow I get so busy thinking and doing a million different things, I forget one of the most important things I can do in a day.
The mystery of prayer never ceases to astound me. The balance of God's sovereignty and our responsibility to obey is quite a bit over my head. All I know is this: God is sovereign and His will will be accomplished. He has commanded that I pray and in doing this, I have the privilege of being involved in His work. Just another reminder that He is God and I am not. Oh how unfathomable are His ways! Somehow not always completely understanding Him makes me feel more secure, not less.

A random update: I chose my wedding ceremony music! It was not nearly as much of a big deal as I had myself believeing it was :-)

Weddings

Today I will be playing flute for my friend Brooke's wedding. Being in weddings these days is a lot different than it used to be. It used to be a job, and occasionally I'd have a slight feeling of "this is going to be me one day...", but for the most part, I'd show up, play, eat wedding cake, and go on with my day. Now I feel like I should walk around all of these weddings with notebook in hand writing down ideas I would like to incorporate, decorations that look nice, what food is eaten most, and what things to avoid like the plague. I usually handle stress very well, but I'm finding myself laying in bed at night wondering what shoes I'll wear at the wedding, if all of the whites and blues in the decorations will go together, how many tulle bags I'm going to need for birdseed, rather or not I'll have enough decorations.... the list goes on.
This is ridiculous because I'm pretty ahead of the game as far as planning goes. Within the first month, I had all of my major vendors booked, my wedding party (mostly) chosen, all of my colors picked out and was care free as could be. But it's the details, which to me are the most important part, that are tripping me up. Mostly the music, now that I think about it. Being a musician, choosing music is a very difficult thing for me to do. I want it all, but on the other hand, none of it is nearly good enough! The only music I'm not worried about at all is my reception music. A couple of incredibly talented friends will be providing the music for that and anything they play or sing is going to be wonderful.
Alright. I've decided. My goal for this coming week is going to be choosing wedding ceremony music.

Seeking the Favor of God

I worry far too much about what other people think. I didn’t really realize this until today. I have spent the past several days very discouraged constantly thinking I’m making people mad at me, saying the wrong thing and being unreasonable. Things that shouldn’t be a big deal or conversations that the other person has probably already forgotten have come back to mind over and over. “What did they think when I said this” “I wonder if it made them mad when I said that” “Does this person approve of what I’m doing?” It gets pretty exhausting trying to worry about what everyone thinks. I’m very conservative, but there are people in my acquaintance who hold more conservative views than I do. I also know and love many people who are quite liberal. This poses a problem when trying to worry about what everyone will think when they see my life.
I decided to find my answers in the only place they can really be found: the Scriptures. I didn’t really know where I should read, but flipped to Galatians and began reading. My answer came at the end of the first chapter:

“For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10

What would my life look like if after every conversation, I looked back and asked myself if Christ was honored in the words I spoke? What if before making any decision, I thought not of what others would say I should do or what others will think about whatever decision I make, but which choice would be the most favorable in the eyes of God? I think I would be far less stressed. I’m sometimes frustrated when people say “Who cares what anyone thinks?” because it shows a general disregard for the opinions of others. But as I think about it, most people don’t follow that statement with “I’m going to follow Christ, no matter the cost.” They follow it with “I’m going to do whatever I want to.” Therein lies the difference. Not caring if people are mad or disappointed because you are doing what you believe is right, rather or not if it is what you want to do.

Of course, I believe that it is the responsibility of brothers and sisters in Christ to bring it to someone when they see something in the other person’s life that they don’t believe is in line with scripture. But if the response to that is changing your ways just because you don’t want the person to be upset with you, it’s the wrong kind of change. It should be considered seriously through prayer, searching the Scripture and possibly seeking other counsel. But at the end of the day, rather or not you agree with that person, you have to determine rather or not change is necessary to honor God or if your change would just be eye service to please man.

This really isn’t a sermon! And it’s not a response to anyone telling me I needed to change anything, because though I’m sure plenty of people have plenty of legitimate things they could confront me with, they haven’t. Just something I have been thinking about for myself.
So today, when I get off the phone, when I leave a conversation, when I look at what I’m wearing and when I interact with Cole or Sam or anyone else, I want to ask myself if God was honored in it. If He was, I want to give Him glory. If He wasn’t, I want to recognize it, turn from it, and do better at my next opportunity.

Engagement Day

Valentines Day, 2008 will make Valentines Day one of the most special days of the year for the rest of my life.

When I returned from breakfast with my mom (which I learned later was just a grand ploy to get me out of the house), I pulled into my driveway to see a teddy bear as big as me sitting in a lawn chair holding a rose, a huge chocolate bar and a note which read: “Follow the roses, Love.” I looked up to see a trail of roses leading down the hill in my backyard to right in front of the big azalea bush.
When I reached the end of the trail, there was a treasure chest on a bed of roses and red tulle. Upon opening the box, I saw that there was a card sitting on several inches of sand. The card was hand written in tiny print and completely full. It ended with these words: “If you ever wanto to know the depth of my love or how many ways I love you, count this sand.” I ran my fingers through the sand and shook my head, amazed at the love I had been blessed with. I was reminded again that I was the luckiest girl in the world.
I stood up and turned around and there he was, at the top of the hill :-)

We got everything ready to take to Windsor Ruins for our previously planned picnic, dropped Sam off with my mom and went on our way. Little did I know, the letter in the sand wasn’t going to be the highlight of the day. It was only beginning.

A tree blocked the entrance to the Ruins, so we continued on foot - in our formal attire – over the barbed wire fence and down the road. When I saw Windsor Ruins, I drew a quick breath. It was even more beautiful than I’d imagined. We down our picnic things and Cole asked me to walk with him. When I took his hand, I noted that he was shaking. Something big was about to happen. “Do you remember when we were in Ecuador, what I said to you? What I said I wasn’t doing?” “What do you mean?” “In the supermarket. Do you remember what I told you I wasn’t doing at that moment?” “Oh yes, that you weren’t falling down on your knees confessing undying love or anything?” I responded with a laugh. “Yeah.” He fell down to one knee, pulled a ring out of his pocket and said: “Well, now this is me falling down on my knees proclaiming undying love for you. Robin, will you make me the happiest man on earth? Will you share your life with me? Will you raise a family with me? Will you grow old with me? Robin, will you marry me?” With a voice quivering from excitement, I responded : “I always said I’d know I was in love when the prospect of being with someone forever went from seeming like an eternity to not nearly long enough. That’s exactly how I feel about you. Yes, I will marry you.”

He moved my purity ring to my right hand, placed his ring on my left and sprung to his feet. Then, the kiss we had saved our whole lives for each other. Well worth the twenty year wait :-)

Our day concluded with dinner at The Castle, where we had our first date. It was a perfect ending to the happiest day of my life up to then. But I have to say, as wonderful of day as it was, every day just gets better.

Friendship: A Beautiful Beginning

I'm pretty sure I have absolutely no readers anymore, but I'm posting anyway :-)

As I'm sure everyone knows, I became engaged to Cole Rutherford on Valentine's Day of this year. I've decided to post a couple of entries that I wrote for our wedding website here. Enjoy!

The first picture we ever had of just the two of us, a few days before our courtship began.

"There is still a bit of dispute as to when our first meeting was. He says that when we first played our harp and flute duet at Parkway Baptist Church, he introduced himself. It’s probably true, but you can’t prove it by me.

I knew of Cole long before I ever met him. He practically lived with our pastor’s family, the Walkers, and they were always talking about Cole, Cole, Cole. Cole did this, Cole blew up that. The stories seemed to be never ending. One of the first times I went to the Walker’s, Lainie took me back to her room and proceeded to show me what seemed like 50 million pictures from their recent trip to Ecuador. “Here’s Cole and Henry!” She laughed. I looked over to see a picture of a giant white man in a skirt, with black stripes painted on his face and bare chest. He had some weird red stuff in his hair and what looked like an arrangement of cotton balls on his head. He was standing next to a comparatively very small Tsachila man. “Odd.” I thought. “Very odd.”

I remember the first time I noticed him. I was sitting with my family in the back of the church, trying to concentrate, but I was distracted by a figure on the second row. I thought he may be the Cole of all of the stories I’d heard, but I wasn’t quite sure. Whoever he was, something was different about him. He radiated passion for God. I knew that what I sought above all else in my future husband was a consuming passion for the Gospel. When I saw him I thought to myself “I want a guy like that. Whoever gets him is going to be an incredibly lucky girl.”

On September 23rd, 2006, we went to an ice cream social for the College and Career group. Cole came over to where Merisha and I were sitting and talked to us the entire evening. He was pretty much the only person who said more than five words to us for several weeks, so, of course, we became friends. Over the months to come, we saw each other every day. He was over several days a week for dinner, and the three of us went everywhere together. Bonfires, to the mall, out to eat, you name it. We didn’t have a car, so he drove us around to all of the church functions too. The more we got to know each other as friends, the more I was shocked to find out how unified we were in our beliefs and views. I struggled to remain platonic, but the more I knew of him, the more I was impressed and saw in him qualities and views I wanted in my husband. I knew for several reasons that he was out of reach and “Teardrops on my Guitar” became my favorite song. I told myself everyday that if all I ever had with him was friendship, I’d be satisfied.

Around Christmas, our friendship grew deeper, and by Spring, though we were both very verbal about not being in a relationship, we were viewed by everyone as a couple. We denied it, even to ourselves, but we were both - almost against our own wills - falling in love."

A Recurring Theme

The Sunday just a few days before Christmas I attended the funeral of a lady from my church who had been suffering from cancer for years. She was survived by a son who is about twenty one, and another who will graduate high school in May.
The next weekend, I was playing and singing at the funeral of Cole's great-grandmother. We had just spent Christmas together and she seemed fine, two days later we were rushing to the hospital to hold her hand as she drew her last breaths.
A few days later, at four o'clock on New Year's morning, a man from our church accidentally shot and killed his wife mistaking her for an intruder. Very few couple's love for each other is more evident than theirs was. The wide range of emotions, the questions...

Three weekends. Three funerals. By the time I got home from the most recent funeral on Saturday, I literally had no more nice black clothes in my closet and was completely emotionally drained.
It seems like over and over I post about the brevity of life, but over and over it is impressed on me.

Cole and I started reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper today. I read it a couple of years ago, but the more I live, the more I realize I don't have forever. Life is so short. Who knows the number of years allotted to them? Who knows if they will have the next breath?
A few months ago I had a very morbid thought. I was sitting in the fellowship hall at our church looking out at the people when it occurred to me: In one hundred years, we will all be gone. I looked at Sam, I looked at Cole, I looked at my sister, I looked at my friends. All of us, in not to long a time compared to history, will die.
I look at the people that I love, the things that I do, everything that seems so important to me and realize that it will pass away.
When I think of these things I find myself identifying with Solomon in Ecclesiastics 9:
5 For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing; they have no further reward, and even the memory of them is forgotten. 6 Their love, their hate and their jealousy have long since vanished; never again will they have a part in anything that happens under the sun.

There is a sense in which our legacy will hopefully live on, but there is another aspect that two hundred years from now, the world will be populated with completely new people. People who never knew me and who never knew you. "What's the point? We live, we work, we love, we die. Meaningless!"

But it doesn't end there. The last few verses of the book tell us to live our short, seemingly meaningless life to the fullest
7 Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. 8 Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. 9 Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun--all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. 10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

Though after weeks like I've had recently I get frustrated with the very concept of existence, I know there is a point to life. I know there is a reason for existence.
"What is the chief end of man?" The Westminster Catechism asks.
The response sounds simple, but it's so true and so hard to keep focused on:
"To glorify God and enjoy Him forever."

With every breath, with every action, with every word. Glorify God.